My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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