yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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