Non-Jews are for practice
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
