Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
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Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
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I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
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