I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
