I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize