ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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