Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
