so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
