Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
