How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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