I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I did not marry a roomba.
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