She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I think I am morally bankrupt
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
