he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
