new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
