He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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