i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
