Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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