He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
