In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Farmville is her only friend.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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