I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
