If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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