you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
