ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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