Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
