my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
