Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
