thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
