Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
