I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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