So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
