Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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