i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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