dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
