reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
