He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
