If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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