Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
