So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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