And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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