If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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