...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
worst night to have a conscience
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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