i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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