3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
