So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
