Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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