even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
