This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
