Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
