When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
