(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
