I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I think my nap took me to another dimension
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
