I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
