If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
