dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I think my fart just growled at me.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Holy sore nipples Batman
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
