dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
