Just mADE A PArabola og urine
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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