you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
